Well as everyone who usually hears from me on a regular basis realizes I've been not on the stream as much. I do have a valid reason.

I've started my own ebay store and if anyone wants to visit it to see what I am doing it is BethAnne's Ivy.leeg1964 Store. I am selling some jewlery I have started making while I am sitting doing nothing, it keeps me busy. I just wish people would buy it.

I am also selling off all of my Tropical Sno Hawiian Shave Ice products, flavors, parts for shavers, etc.

I also have a few items left over from some bulk sales I bought of hair colors. I had intended to give them to my family and then we all started having too many problems with our meds and are losing too much hair to color it so I am sell that.

Then there are the different types of glucose strips that I am selling because we've had to use different glucomoters because of our insurance changes.

I will be selling some decorative birdhouse gourds that are too small for the birds and maybe the ones that are large enough for the birds as well.

We are also selling our extra spices, that we have dried from our organic garden and I am thinking of selling some fresh ones. I just don't know how they would ship.

Right now I can't think of anything else I am selling but I will be selling soft soaps made from potash, they way the settlers did it.

I might also sell some of my canned goods. They are allowed on ebay.

So anyway enough about what is in the store I am sure you've all had enough of the advertisements. LOL. I didn't intend it to happen that way. It just occurred to me that I really have a lot of stuff I am selling. Maybe I'll be one of those people who go to auctions and fix stuff up and sell it.

My mom has a friend in AZ, she used to be her room mate and she has encouraged the whold family, of the friend, to start having yard sales because just the dad has his whole house and garage and 10 of the largest storage buildings in the Mesa area, for stuff he buys at auctions. It is crazy. So are they just a tad. So we all meshed well.

Anyway the other things that are new are as follows:

I had an anaphleptic reaction to one of my medications for my headaches, either the midrin or the phenergan. Both of which are kind of my last resort in headache medications. It will make it hard on me which ever it turns out to be. We have to wait at least 6 weeks for my IGE, the level in you immune system that tells if you have an allergy to something or not. If you have no IGE then you have no allergies at all to anything. Very strange. My allergist has never heard of someone having no IGE, but in theory it is possible. When you have a reaction to the point when you stop breathing you will test positive for at least 6 weeks to everything they test you for. So I have to wait and in the mean time not take them which means more trips to the ER for shots as I am running out of medications to take. Hopefully I can get the headaches back under control.

The thing that made me mad is that they gave me prednisone, anabolic steroids, I have tried so hard to loose weight and the prednisone will cause immediate weight gain. I am hoping the best I can do is keep the weight gain to a minimum. But if I see food. I eat it. I have to. That is why I don't like steroids.

Lets see next my husband is having some problems and is having to see the surgeon on Thursday. They think he has a bleeding ulcer and possible some pollops as well. So he is in pain and is fairly grouchy about it. I try to understand but this past month has not been a good one for me to be terribley understanding.

Then lastly I discoved my Mom saw her nephrologist, kidney specialist, last Friday. He read her papers and walked over and gave her a hug and started crying. Her kidney function has reduced by half in the last month. The one thing we had going was that her kidney was putting out fine. Now it no longer is. So it is just a matter of time before dialysis starts and then she with her specific diagnosis has about 6 months, tops, so far in medical history.

So I am very down over that. I don't want her to go. I am not ready, but she is. you can here it in her voice. She has had enough. The pain is getting to be too bad. I have tried to let my siblings know I didn't expect her to live past a year, but I don't think they believe me, because a little over four years ago they gave her six months, then Mayo started a study that she qualified for and she has gotten an extra four years at least. I hope more, but I don't want her to suffer any more than they need to.

She finally filed for SSDI. Meaning disability instead of normal Social security. That means she has given up the idea of finding a job. Without a job she doesn't know how to describe herself. She has always worked and carried her own part from the time her father became an evangelist. She remembers going into the bars to sell the bible picture fans. She has a lot of great memories that she has failed to tell. I am sure of it. But the ones she has shared will make a great prequel to my book.

Which book will take more time away from the stream. I only have so much energy then I kaputz and must stop or I will be very sick tomorrow.

Well enough of the New stuff in my life what's happening in yours? Take care my friends. Beth.

From the time I was seven years old I have had one best, very best friend whith whom I shared everything in my life. Good, bad and the ugly.

She is the one who advised me to make my first husband move out before I killed him. That was good advice, sage advice because she knew me and how much I could handle.

After that she moved to Maryland, I don't know why? But she did. I don't think she knows why. It was shortly after that I became consumed with making sure me children grew up to be as normal as possible.

Well I have neglected you on the stream lately as she saw my sister at the clinic, I don't know if it is vet clinic my sister manages or the doctors clinic, but she gave my sister her email address to give to me.

I have been so happy to reconnect with her. She has missed me as much as I have missed her. Which has been pretty bad. There were times when I only had Heavenly Father, but yearned for a human to hold me and tell me it would be alright. I learned to push that side of my needs away and I have a diffacult time allowing my husband to be that person. But Val, we were always there for each other. Every boyfriend break up. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. We went bar hopping together, we all made sure no one went home with some stupid man, or her brother didn't go home and get some stupid woman pregnant. We just had fun and got a lot of drinks bought for us.

Those were my post baby days and pre-divorce days. The time when I considered my marriage over and was trying to get him to leave as when I left he and his mother were stalkers. So I saw more of them when we didn't live together than we ever I left, they were everywhere.

We are still catching up on whose brother or sister and their children have done what, but it has been great. The odd thing I have discovered is that I have talked to my husband about her, and my mom, but no one else. My sister hasn't even asked if I contacted her.

There are five children in their family as in our. They have three girls and two boys the boys oldes and youngest. In ours we have one boy the oldest and four girls with me as the youngest. She is the youngest girl.

She has married and settled down, no children and is okay with that. Her sister seems to have enough to go around. I told her were confused as to exactly how many we had of our offspring as they keep getting pregnant faster than we can count. Everytime we get a hold on the number and all five of us know it, poof there is another positive test. Now I remember why I had my tubes tied at age 19, we are fertile Myrtles. (please use the Southern dialect of fertile as in fer-tl) This is for those of you young kids who have never heard such a phrase. It is what you call a woman who has baby after baby. Who can't seem to not be pregnant.

Her family as a whole is lagging way behind on children as compared to ours but they are trying. That is the important part. I told her to stop trying and it would happen. I certainly never tried and did what I thought I could do to prevent pregancies. 2 on birth control pills you'd have your tubes tied at 19 too.

Well anyway. I have not heard any of the news about Radford VA. You'd think that since I have a sister that lives there and has never left I'd know what was happening, but she is just starting to return my phone calls. It has only taken 25 years but in the last year she has returned two calls and answered two instant messages. The first she kept trying to use VOIP, I can't find our microphone and kept typing that so she finally looked and felt like Scotty. Hello computer and just used the keyboard. She and my sister next to me used to be my third best friends. Now they are starting to come back around to talking to me as well.

They finally fell like maybe they deserted me when they turned 17 and 18, but don't really regret it that I can tell. They had their life and I had mine we just didn't run in the same circles anymore.

I have done a lot of introspection this week and maybe it's the steroids talking, but I believe I am actually ready to write my book or set of books.

Had to explain to my best friend all of the details of what happened and I was able to do so with out throwing up or crying so hard I couldn't type. I believe I am ready. Maybe I just needed my friend back to help me get through this as she understands me better than anyone else ever could or will. Some things never change and this is one of them.

Take care of yourselves. Beth.

I suppose a life without regrets is a life without chances or a life in your own little world.

I regret few things in my life. As much as I wanted to eliminate the existance of my first husband, I would not have the two beautiful children and two beautiful grandchildren I have. So it is okay with me that he continues to live on this earth until he dies of natural consequenses or some young girls father kills him. I no longer am angry with him, I pity him.

If you watch King of the Hill you can understand this description of him. He is a combination of Boomhauer, Bill and Dale all rolled up into one. He had great potential until he chose drugs over a life and a family. He has had six wives after me and several girlfriends in between, yet it all seems to still be my fault; or so my son told my after he lived with his dad for about 8 months.

We dated for three years and were married for three years. Our youngest was 2 when he finally left and now she is 22. So for the last 20 years I have been screwing up the life of a man I haven't spoken to since April 2000. And then only a few times in between 1986 and 2000. I think I can count them on one hand that we actually had a conversation.

It was once when he was waiting for our daughter to get ready to go and spend a day or two with him. She lasted about 1/2 a day and came back. He asked if I had regrets about us. I told him that I did. I regretted that the last time I left I didn't stay gone. I regretted that I panicked and thought being with him and having a second child would be easier. OH how wrong I was.

Life would have been so much easier if the next three years had never happened, but then I wouldn't be here on the stream pouring my heart out to all of you and giving you my adviced based on my experience and letting some people know that they are not alone.

Every one had regrets. They are called hindsight 20/20 vision. Given the same chance and the same knowledge you would make the same choice so why agonize.

We all made mistakes, we will continue to make mistakes that is why we are human and not translate beings no longer walking the earth.

We will continue to be here until we die or become perfect and I know death will come much sooner than perfection for me. I have too far to go. I have issues I may never overcome. No matter how I try those issues follow me and drag me down and keep me tied to this earth.

That is a good thing because I have a husband I love with all my heart. I have my children and my grand children and all of you here on the stream who come by for a visit occassionally.

Do I have real regrets absolutely, but it is just those things that make me as strong as I am. When there are times I feel weak I have my husband and he comforts me. If he is asleep then my faithful crazy dog Daisy is willing to try to crawl under my chin to mark it like the cat does, I regret to say the cat weighs 12.4 lbs, the dog weighs 45 lbs. Yes she has given me a bruise under the chin before. But I am so loved. God gave us this insane dog because she fits in with our little crazy family just perfectly.

I hope everyone has a great week and if you haven't contacted your senator regarding the Constitutional Admemtment on Marriage please don't make that one of your regrets. They could vote as early as tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves. Beth.

Okay for all of you who are wondering the apron turned out just fine and my husband is thrilled.

I have been very busy still selling off the rest of my stuff from my Hawiian shave ice business. That is going really well.

It is killing me to let it go at cut rate prices however; I do need the money so I can get through the next few months and keep my directv on. How could I live without television. Oh the Law and Order reruns and in July new seasons of the Closer, Monk and all of those other great shows I watch on A&E or whatever channel they are on. I have them programmed into Tivo. I'd be lost with out it. I don't remember how I watched tv before Tivo.

Now when I see something coming on three months from now I just go to catagories and type it in and set it to tape automatacially and then when it tapes I am surprised because I already forgot I wanted to see it. It is really a great gadget. I put it up there with the home computer and flat screens. Useless, but how could we live without them.

We can't imagine living our lives like we used to, when we only had pong and that was exciting.

Speaking of really sad times. In honor of the 4th coming up I will share the story of my mother in law.

She was the daughter of a railroad worker and every forth of July they would wait for dark and gather in a circle and watch the flare he brought home burn until it burned out. Even as a teenager she did this and she really remembers how excited they were to get to watch a flare.

I told my son this and he said oh Mom that is about as sad as drawing a Christmas tree and taping it on the wall and placing the presents under it.

Well I had to give him that one. In December 1990 we had bought the tree very early in the month and then two weeks into the month my boss went bankrupt. Panic time.

My sister was living in Southern Missouri and asked if I would move there and help her with her handicapped daughter, I have mentioned her before. So we packed up and moved.

We got to MO and found a house three days before Christmas and I gave my children their choice to find a tree and the decorations and unpack all of our stuff or to draw a tree and place the presents under it. They agreed to draw a nice big tree and did a great job.

So yes we have had our pathetic moment as well. Especically if you guys knew how much a tree means to me for Christmas. I don't care if I have no presents. I just love the tree. It brings back all of the good memories of the wonderful Christmas mornings and waking up before everyone else and sitting and waiting until my brother and sisters one by one got up and we would all sit quitely staring at the beatuy of the tree and all of the presents and it was the one day we didn't fight or torture each other and we would wait until Mom and Dad got up and the frenzy began.

The presents weren't important to me. I enjoyed them but it is the decorated tree that makes Christmas for me. I love to see the lights, the colors, and beauty of the green and colors against the black of the night.

So not having that tree was probably harder on me than on my son. My daughter still laughs about it because she talked my son into drawing the tree.

I would have to say that was the strangest Christmas of my life. One I am glad I will never have to repeat. I'll save the rest for my book.

I have finally decided all of my blogging has gotten me ready to start my book that everyone I tell about parts of my life say: "You have got to write a book."

I thought of the twisted house on the prarie, that way I can do a whole series of little happenings in my life. It is all of those each little stories that people want to hear.

I do believe really though I think I want to start with a serious book on how to spot a child molestor, I have successfully met all types in my lifetime and I know how to spot one and it is something that is not taught to parents to look out for neighbors, overly friendly uncles, friends etc.

My sister finally admitted the reason she keeps a relationship with my "father" is because if she is watching him he is not molesting. I understand her point but that never stopped him before. I don't know why she thinks it would now. She is a bit delusional as is most of my family. However, we put the fun in dysfunctional. But they are family and we work on staying in touch. It seems to get harder with the more grandchildren we have than it did when we had children.

Well everyone have a great weekend. Beth.

When I lived in Boca Raton FL my aunt brought me these wonderful vintage couches and my mother and I covered them. We didn't have a sewing machine at that time so we were going to hand stitch it and then I found it.

The Glue Gun.

I have never been without one since. In 17 years I can't tell you how many things I have glued together. I have made cloth blinds for my living room, curtains to go over them and to cover the tapes and keep the living room cool in the summer, it has a one room ac, I have also made a cloth door for the living room and the bedroom.

I absolutely love my glue gun. I fixed my husband's sandles countless times, so he only buys one pair a year. I have had to re-glue the dog's harness when she chews through it. I have made curtains to cover our shelves int the kitchen that we made. I am still working on the rest of the house and have the material for these things. I just need to find the time.

It is amazing what I can think of fixing with that silly little glue gun.

So on Friday my husband went to walmart, alone, always a bad thing. Now we had just bought a new clothes pin bag less than a year ago and the silly thing is already broke. So he was looking and he saw the clothes pin apron. It is about 10.00 so he didn't buy it, partly because of the price but mostly because he thought I'd worry about him being gender challenged. The funniest part is that I almost bought the apron instead of the bag because I though it was an easier way to hand the clothes, but I was afraid he'd think I'd might be appealing to a gender confusion so I didn't. Well after our good laugh about it we went to the cedar chest and picked out the material he wanted to have for his Apron and I am in the process of glueing it together.

Now the only problem with the glue is that as you wash it occassionally you have to reglue it. So what. My mother has made about six outfits with a glue gun.

We are fast draw glue gunners. It is so much easier than sewing. No bobbins to deal with. No thread matching. No seams to see or worry about. I just love it.

Well I am off to finish the last tie for the back and the the pockets. Then it will be finished. I'll get a picture and have him modle it. He has chosen a nice sage green with small flowers that I planned for the bathroom, but we found a seat cover for a dollar that was red so we are going to stick to reds and such for the bathroom. We have red in the kitchen, bathrooma and burgendy in the livingroom. The bedroom is going to be a polar ice kind of thing with a penguin thing going on. He collects penguins and I want to keep that part of the house for them.

Well I also am making curtains and a matching runner for the table and napkins and place mats for the holidays to have a change from the cats and dogs we now have in the kithchen.

So incase you haven't guessed, when I see penguin material I buy it. What ever it is, I'll find a use for it. His penguin sheets have a whole so I am on to quilting next.

I am actually going to borrow a sewing maching for that though. However my actual next project is to make a cat perch to cover a window in living room that will allow him to have his own little space that the dog can't get. I will get a picture of that as well. I believe he will like it. His OCDs will allow him to survey the world from his perch.

Take care everyone and I send smilies and hearts, my computer is not allowing them to show. What a pain. Beth.